Going Once, Twice… Sold to the Highest Streamer! OnlyFans, HBAR Crypto, Amazon and other random companies bid for TikTok Ownership before deadline.

How much will TikTok ultimately sell for? Our guess ~75b-100 billion.

In the latest episode of “Who Wants to Own TikTok?”, the clock is ticking louder than a metronome at a speed metal concert. With an April 5 deadline looming, TikTok’s Chinese parent company, ByteDance, is under Uncle Sam’s orders: sell to a U.S. buyer or face a nationwide ban faster than you can say “viral dance challenge.”

Enter the unexpected suitors. First up, Amazon—the e-commerce titan that seemingly wants a piece of every pie. They’ve tossed their hat into the ring, eyeing TikTok as a golden ticket to the hearts (and screens) of Gen Z. After all, who wouldn’t want to seamlessly transition from watching cat videos to purchasing cat food?

Not to be outdone, Tim Stokely, the mastermind behind OnlyFans, has teamed up with the Hbar Foundation, the brains behind the Hedera cryptocurrency network. Their joint venture, Zoop, aims to create a utopia where creators and communities thrive together. Imagine a world where your favorite TikTok dance comes with a side of crypto—talk about a new spin on “making it rain.”

This high-stakes game of hot potato stems from the U.S. government’s national security jitters over TikTok’s Chinese ties. The Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act (PAFACA) set the stage, demanding ByteDance divest or face the music. The Supreme Court upheld this law, leaving TikTok’s fate hanging by a thread—or perhaps a viral trend.

President Donald Trump, ever the wildcard, previously extended TikTok’s deadline by 75 days, citing the app’s massive popularity among Americans. As the new deadline approaches, all eyes are on the White House to see if another extension is in the cards or if TikTok will be left doing the digital equivalent of the cha-cha slide out of the U.S. market.

So, what’s next in this digital drama? If Amazon clinches the deal, we might witness the birth of a social commerce juggernaut, blending entertainment with e-commerce in ways we’ve only dreamed of. On the other hand, a Zoop-led acquisition could usher in a new era where content creation and cryptocurrency go hand in hand, making “going viral” potentially lucrative in more ways than one.

As the deadline looms, one thing’s for sure: the future of TikTok in America is as unpredictable as the platform’s For You page. Will it be a corporate giant or an innovative startup that takes the reins? Stay tuned, keep your dancing shoes ready, and perhaps, just perhaps, practice your farewell wave—just in case.