The Yankees use an MIT Genius to Change the MLB Forever: It’s Up To You, New York! New York!

Yankees Smash 9 Homers, Internet Loses Its Mind Over Bat Tweak

The Yankees crushed the Brewers 20-9 in a wild game where they hit a team-record nine home runs. Aaron Judge went off, smashing three homers—one was a grand slam—and drove in eight runs by himself. Even crazier, the Yankees hit home runs on the first three pitches of the game, something that’s never happened before in MLB history.

Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Trevor Megill thinks Major League Baseball has a soft spot for the New York Yankees. And after watching them clobber his team 20-9 on Saturday, he had something to say about it.

“It’s the Yankees, so they’ll let it slide,” Megill said, referring to their unusual new bats that look suspiciously like bowling pins.

Yankees announcer Michael Kay explained on-air that the team designed these bats to have a harder hitting surface after studying Anthony Volpe’s swings. That explanation didn’t exactly comfort Brewers fans, especially since Volpe immediately used one to blast a three-run homer in the second inning. Meanwhile, Aaron Judge decided to have his own home run derby, launching three of his own.

With all the chatter, MLB quickly stepped in and assured everyone that the bats are totally legal. The 2025 rulebook says bats must be one solid piece of wood, round, and no more than 42 inches long—but it doesn’t say where the wood has to go.

So, while Megill thinks the Yankees get away with more because of their big-market status, the league says there’s no funny business here.

Still, it’s hard to blame the Brewers for being skeptical. After all, the Yankees turned a baseball game into a fireworks show, while Milwaukee was left wondering if they accidentally walked into a batting practice highlight reel.

“Yes, the Yankees have a literal genius MIT Physicist, Lenny (who is the man), on payroll. He invented the “Torpedo” barrel. It brings more wood - and mass - to where you most often make contact as a hitter. The idea is to increase the number of “barrels” and decrease misses.”

• @ KJS_4 on X

More form Kevin Smith: “The MLB has rules on bats like what the weight drop can be, what the density of the wood can be and how big the barrel can be. Most guys are using bats that aren’t even close to maxing out the barrel size. When Lenny measured my barrel compared to what’s “allowed” i was shocked.”

Let’s be clear: moving a label or barrel is like taking the sticker off your water bottle so it feels cooler to drink from. Same bottle. Same bat. The Yankees just got hot at the right time.

Yankees are probably sitting in the dugout going, “Chill, it’s just wood.” Leave it to the Yankees to revolutionize the game of baseball yet again.

Hey, don’t forget the MLB left ESPN because of the way they were covering baseball, so here are the Yankees continuing to get us talking baseball in the spring. Whether it’s shipping Soto to help lil bro in Queens, or trancending the sport….

It’s….up… to… you…. New York, New York. 🎵